Holding Hands
by thievinghippo
Summary: Even a commander of a warship can get nervous before a medical procedure. Thankfully Garrus is there to lend a helping hand.


"Shepard, need me for something?"

"Have you got a minute?"

Garrus turned around from his console in the main battery. He titled his head in confusion at Shepard's outfit. She was wearing a t-shirt and a pair of leggings, clothes he'd seen her wear during workouts. He swallowed nervously and hoped she wasn't about to tell him that she'd rather test their reach and flexibility in the ring instead of the bedroom.

Hoping he sounded calm, Garrus said, "Sure thing. Just double checking some numbers."

Shepard put her hands behind her back and took a deep breath. With a start, Garrus realized she seemed nervous. Shepard hadn't seemed nervous during any of the conversations they had about sleeping together. He had always been the nervous one. What could cause this now?

"It's just… I'm about to…"

"You okay, Shepard?"

"Yeah, I guess," she said. She started pacing in front of the closed battery door. "I'm about to have a procedure done in the med bay-"

"Are you hurt?" Garrus asked at once, looking her over, trying to find what he could have possibly missed during their last mission. "You were awfully close to that heavy mech when it exploded."

Shepard smiled, and Garrus was pleased to see some of her nervousness fade away. She held up her hands in mock surrender. "I'm fine. It's not for an injury. It's for… for my scars."

"Your scars?" Garrus leaned against the console. "I thought they healed on their own. Power of positive thinking and all that.""

"Gone, but not healed. They could always come back. But this… this will heal them."

"What do you need me for?" Garrus asked before he could stop himself.

Shepard bit her lower lip, something Garrus knew she only did when she was embarrassed. "I'm a little nervous, to be honest. Guess I just hoped you could be there, next to me."

Garrus lifted his brow plates in surprise. "Next to you?"

"That is, if you want," Shepard said quickly, crossing her arms over her chest. "I thought you wouldn't mind, I mean, since we've already talked about… But I don't want to be making any assumptions here."

He reached out and touched her shoulder. Their eyes met and it dawned on Garrus that casual touches between them didn't seem so casual anymore. "Might not be as fun as the Collector Ship, but if you want me there, Shepard, I'm there."

She gave him a grin. "Figured you owed me, anyway. I sat next to you when Chakwas scoped your knee on the SR-1."

"Trust you to be keeping score," Garrus said. "Well, next time I have a medical procedure I expect you at my bedside."

"Deal," Shepard said, lightly punching his shoulder. "Though not anytime soon, okay?"

Garrus nodded, letting the words sink into him. "When's this happening? Now?"

"Yeah, figure since we have another day till we hit the Legion's heretic base, I might as well get this out of the way."

He followed her out of the battery. "Medical procedure one day, killing geth the next. You do know how to show a guy a good time."

Shepard paused and looked back at him.

_Crap._

"That came out wrong," he said, wanting to apologize. Why did he always twist his spurs around this woman? But then Shepard threw him a smirk, just like she did with his last unfortunate verbal misstep - popping heat sinks, indeed - and Garrus understood the words didn't matter. What mattered was her wanting him by her side.

The moment they entered the medbay, Doctor Chakwas put the windows into privacy mode. "Ready, Commander?" the doctor asked. She was standing at a complicated looking machine in the back corner of the room.

"Ready."

Garrus walked a step behind Shepard, not exactly sure what she needed him to do. She hopped up on the table, her legs crossed underneath her.

"Have there been any issues with the scars on your body?" Chakwas asked, her omni-tool out.

"You had scars all over?" Garrus asked, trying and failing not to imagine those red scars crawling all over her body.

"No to Chakwas, yes to Garrus," Shepard said with a slight laugh. She looked up at him. "Miranda jerry-rigged a bodysuit for me to wear. Ended up healing those scars. Couldn't do the same thing for my face, though. Hence this ridiculously expensive device."

"Once your face is completely healed, Garrus, we'll be able to heal your own scars with this machine," Chakwas told him.

The idea floored him. Never once had the thought of healing his scars crossed his mind. He _wanted_ the scars. He wanted them so that he would never forget.

"Maybe," he said with a shrug. Shepard gave him a look, one eyebrow raised, letting him know she had an idea of what he was thinking. And she probably did.

"You know we could have gotten three thanix canons for the cost of this machine, Garrus?" Shepard said, a smile on her lips.

"Daniels and Donnelly barely tolerate the one; can't imagine what they'd do if there were three more," Garrus said with a laugh, thinking of all the hours he'd worked the canons, making sure they were just right. Shepard didn't anything less than the best on her ship.

Chakwas pressed a few buttons on the device and looked at Shepard, her manner suddenly very serious. "Keep your eyes and mouth closed and keep as still as you're able. Understood? This will take about five minutes."

Shepard nodded and Garrus was amazed to see a hint of fear cross her face. This was a woman who had beaten death, and had stared down Sovereign and Harbinger. And a medical procedure could stop her cold? Then again, there were nothing natural about the scars that had been on her face. The first time he saw them, through his scope on Omega, Garrus thought she was a demon from the stories his mother used to tell him at night as a child, ready to lead him towards death. It wouldn't have been the first hallucination he'd had that day.

Before he could stop himself, Garrus took off his right glove and offered her his hand, palm up. If Shepard was scared or worried, he could help. He could give her something solid to hold on to against the unknown.

And then he felt her hand in his, their palms flush together. How many times since that initial conversation had his mind wandered and he let himself imagine what her skin would feel like under his hands? Garrus knew that humans had a lower body temperature than turians, even then, she felt cooler than he expected. What he didn't expect was how much he'd _like _it.

"I'm ready," Shepard said with a nod, and Garrus felt her grip around his hand tighten. She lay back on the table and closed her eyes.

"On three. One, two, three."

Once the procedure started, Shepard loosened her grip on his hand slightly, making him think that whatever she was going through wasn't as bad as she thought it would be. Garrus realized then that with Chakwas occupied and Shepard's eyes closed, he had the perfect opportunity to study.

And immediately his eyes went to her waist. He shook his head. Normally he prided himself on thinking mainly with his brain, but when would he get a chance like this again?

Shepard's was thicker than a female turian's waist. But about average for a human from his limited knowledge. No sharp angles, her hips didn't jut out like the turians prized. Her waist looked soft in the bulky t-shirt. Garrus knew that to be deceiving though. Occasionally she worked out wearing a chest harness and not a t-shirt. He'd seen the muscles working underneath her skin.

Shepard suddenly tensed, her eyes scrunched up.

"Are you in pain?" Garrus asked quickly, looking at Doctor Chakwas.

"Don't answer that, Commander," Chakwas barked. She chastised him with a look. "Relax your face, Commander and no speaking until the procedure is over. Every bit of research I did on this device said there should be no pain, just a tickling sensation."

Garrus let out a breath. Pain was an every day fact of life when you were a soldier. Pain meant you were still alive, you could keep fighting. Turians were taught to embrace their pain. But it didn't mean he ever liked seeing someone he cared for in pain.

"Squeeze my hand if you're not in pain, Shepard," Garrus said, wanting to know for sure. He felt the pressure increase around his hand immediately. He looked at Doctor Chakwas. "She's not in pain."

"Did I not just tell you that?" Chakwas said, going back to the interface on the device. "My guess is she was just trying to hold back a laugh."

Shepard squeezed his hand, confirming what Chakwas said. Garrus nodded, then remembered Shepard wouldn't be able to see the move and said, "Understood."

He went back to his studies, moving his gaze to Shepard's shoulders. They seemed so slight, with no cowl or carapace protecting them. Though Garrus knew they were anything but. He had seen her hoist fully grown men over her shoulders before. The image wrapping his arms around those shoulders and bringing her close entered his thoughts.

Garrus shook his head. Looking at Shepard during this procedure was one thing. Fantasizing about her? Completely another. Didn't stop his sub vocals from betraying his desire, though. He clamped his mandibles firmly against his mouth and was grateful that there were no other turians in the room.

"There, we're done," Chakwas said.

Shepard opened her eyes instantly. "I hate staying still," she said, sitting up, but still holding his hand. Garrus wasn't sure if he should let go or not and quickly decided he'd let Shepard make that call. "Am I free to go?"

"One moment, Commander," Chakwas said, putting her hand on Shepard's chin. The doctor seemed to analyze every inch of Shepard's face. "Check back with me tomorrow before suiting up for your mission. I want to ensure the healing process has been completed."

"Will do," Shepard said, sliding off of the examining table. She let go of his hand, but their fingers still brushed. "Thank you, Doctor."

Shepard nodded and started walking towards the door. Garrus followed, putting his glove back on, already missing the cool touch of her skin against his. Once back into the mess, she said, "I don't think I've ever seen a turian without gloves before."

Garrus shrugged. "Basic manners. Turians don't go out into public without them," he said. "I'll walk you to the elevator."

Once they stood in front of the elevator, Shepard said quietly, "I'm still trying to figure out where the lines are, Garrus. This wasn't disrupting the crew, was it?"

He reached up and rubbed his neck. He really hadn't done a good job explaining what he meant during that conversation. A sudden melancholy settled in his gut. Garrus hated to think Shepard thought he meant there had to be lines drawn at all. Then he realized how very much he didn't want lines. Not with her. He trusted her more than anyone in the galaxy and now that they've started down this path to wherever it led, he didn't want to hold anything back from her. And maybe hold on to a sliver of hope she might feel the same way.

But this was not the time to deal with these new revelations. "No, not at all," Garrus said honestly. His worry was becoming gossip or the crew getting upset by the idea that their human commander wanted to sleep with an alien on a Cerberus ship. But aside from a couple of surprised looks, the crew truly didn't seem to care. And if what Kasumi had told him was accurate, most of the crew knew of their intentions, much to his annoyance.

"Good," Shepard said. She reached out and squeezed his hand. Garrus wished he hadn't put his glove back on so quickly. "Thank you. For being there. I appreciate the assist."

"Anytime, Shepard," Garrus said.

She nodded and stepped onto the elevator. Garrus waited until the doors closed then went back into the main battery. Kneeling down, he opened his footlocker. There, laying on top of the one civilian outfit he owned, was the bottle of dual chirality wine he picked up last time they were on the Citadel. When he bought this, he planned on waiting for the perfect moment before bringing it up to her cabin. But maybe the moment didn't have to be perfect. When had anything in his life gone the way he wanted, after all? The more he thought of it, the more perfect seemed like an absolute impossibility. And he was okay with that, as long as he was sharing that imperfect moment with Shepard.

_Soon_, he promised himself. They'd be hitting the geth heretic base tomorrow and going on that small side mission the day after that. Then they could catch their breath. Then, maybe, he could show her all the things he wanted to say but didn't know how. He smiled down at the bottle before closing his footlocker.

Soon.

8


End file.
